i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
