Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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