he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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