What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
