He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
