my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
