Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
