dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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