Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
