those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize