I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
