Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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