I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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