I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
