mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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