Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
