I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let's get the cat blown out
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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