Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
