I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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