They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
