So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
