I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
