She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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