insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
