R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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