There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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