week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
