I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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