Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
