wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
tell me about the fingering
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
