I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
