I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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