you would pick up someone in the library
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
