my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
