i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
