if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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