i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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