He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
