your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
