fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
