Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
