and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
