Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
honey bunches of taint.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize