Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
