I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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