I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
