Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize