i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
