we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
