just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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