I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
