I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
