at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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