it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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