seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
