Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize