glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
