Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
