You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
