ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
