Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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