You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
