i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize