It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
