I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
