i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
