You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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