she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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