It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
