You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
