Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone came in the potted fern
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
