She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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