you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
