I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
