I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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