she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
