it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
