So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize