Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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