i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
