dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
